


Is It Too Late

by liveandlove1989



Category: The Last of Us
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Not Canon Compliant, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Regret
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-02
Updated: 2020-07-02
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:08:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25031449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/liveandlove1989/pseuds/liveandlove1989
Summary: "She doesn't remember how she got here, back in front of the theater. But she forces herself forward, has to, and her knuckles rap against the wood before she can take it back."Very angsty, canon diverged after what happens at the hospital. Kind of a happy ending? Less deaths at least.
Relationships: Dina & Jesse (The Last Of Us), Dina/Ellie (The Last of Us)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 128





	Is It Too Late

Panic claws up her throat until all she can do is whimper, is whine. Shaky hands cling too tightly to her own shirt, pulling the fabric tight and taut, seams that have long since seen better days threating to give. She can't control the way her body shivers with each and every breath.

She doesn't remember how she got here, back in front of the theater, with Dina and Jesse just feet away and unaware. All she can see is her mind's eye replaying Nora, over and over and over-.

How she gurgled on her own blood. How broken fingers bent up and reached. How she stared unblinking but so afraid in the face of death. Of Ellie. 

She sucks in a breath that loses its way to her lungs and chokes. It makes her see red - those endlessly whirring emergency lights, filtered through spores - and she nearly drops. Nearly runs. Nearly something, an unnamed impossibility that seems so much more possible in this moment.

The sound of a small laugh snaps her back. Dina. So close, close enough to touch if only she'd ask for entry.

She thinks of her hands, the life dried in their creases, and hates herself for wanting such a thing. Nothing she has ever held has lasted. She can't be responsible for tainting Dina, too.

But she forces herself forward, has to, and her knuckles rap against the wood before she can take it back. Her tongue unsticks only enough for, "It's me," and it's so broken that it hurts, tears at her insides. She doesn't really know who _me_ is anymore. 

Immediately there's the shuffling, the telltale ring of the metal chair being slid free, and all at once the door is open and Dina is hugging her and her hands instinctively come up, but freeze. Can't touch. Won't touch.

Dina pulls back and the relief on her face hurts in its sincerity. Her eyes shine in the dark and Ellie wants so badly to look at them forever. Is afraid she won't be able to after this. After all that she's done. 

She pushes past Dina even with both her and Jesse talking, isn't sure what they say because that ringing is back and she's so tired and so sick and can't pause or she'll break. Feels the swell of panic nestling within her chest.

She doesn't try to stop the shaking when she pulls out her map, fumbles the unfolding and very suddenly her friends' eyes on her feel damning. Points to the aquarium, or close to it, can't see straight enough to really tell. "She's here," she mumbles, and for a moment afterwards it's so quiet she almost believes she didn't speak at all.

But then Dina's hand is so gingerly ghosting across her elbow, and the map is taken and someone says something and then she's being guided back, further into the theater. Each step is heavy enough to offset her balance, and she leans into the smaller woman at her side like if she doesn't she might just slip away completely.

They make it to past the stage, farther in than Ellie had previously explored herself, but a small bench has been pulled out into the middle of the room she's lead into and that's where she's instructed to sit. So she does. And swallows. And grasps for her shirt again because she's so afraid it's not really real. Or maybe more alarming, that it is.

Dina tells her to undress and she doesn't argue. But reaching back to tug her shirt loose hurts. It strains her shoulders and her neck and it sticks to her where blood has coagulated, only a fraction of it her own. 

Either Dina is fast or Ellie is slow, because she's suddenly back and so very delicately helping and all at once Ellie is very aware of what a mess she must look. All bruises and grime, scars and scabs. She can't bring herself to meet the smaller woman's gaze because she's terrified of the pity that must live there. 

Her hands fall to the seats edge, then her jeans as Dina circles her. Something like alarm shoots through her but no, _no,_ she's safe here. Well, not safe, never safe from her own demented thoughts, but she has nothing to fear from Dina. 

The first touch of the wet rag against her skin is frigid, but she barely tenses. Now that she's still she can feel just how much every part of her hurts, muscles tender. Dina washes, and she stays. 

Until Nora's eyes flash past her own. Until she hears strangled breathing and feels pinpricks beneath her eyelids. Her fingers clench. She feels like a caged, wounded animal. 

And she breaks the silence. 

"I made her talk."

As soon as it leaves her lips she reaches up like she can push the words back into her mouth, touches her face and recoils because _why_ and realizes the strangled breathing is real and it's her and it's getting worse. 

The rag against her back stills and she's so sure it's going to pull away and she knows what a monster Dina must see of her. Her skin feels raw and her eyes burn and she wishes with all that she is that when Dina leaves, at least she won't look back. That she'll take Jesse and go home and just be, without all of the fucked up things that initially pulled them here weighing her down. Without Ellie. 

But then, when the touch against her is gone, Dina runs a hand up her arm soothingly and whispers, "It's okay," behind her ear.

She wants to believe that. Wants so badly to be okay, but she can't see past the tears and when Dina wraps herself around Ellie she reaches up just to feel. Just to hold on to something. This room and her both feel fake, but Dina's hand grounds her as surely as it ever has. 

"I don't want to lose you," she confesses, even though part of her knows it isn't fair. Knows that this isn't right. That she shouldn't have let the woman come with her in the first place. Shouldn't have let the cowardice she felt at the thought of being alone drag Dina into such a shitshow.

But Dina just huffs quietly. Holds a bit tighter and breathes, "Good," against Ellie's shoulder and very slowly starts to rock them.

And for all the nightmares of Joel and Abby, for all the shadows that danced just out of sight, Ellie realizes. She's tired. So fucking tired. 

She can't do this anymore. 

"I wanna go home," she pleads, to Dina, to herself. She knows the promises she's made to Maria and Tommy and Joel and herself - but she _can't_ anymore. She already knows she'll never be clean of this, but Dina deserves so much better and she just wants it all to go away.

Dina kisses her shoulder. Leans into her neck and nods, once. Doesn't argue. "Okay."

Maybe she's making a mistake. Maybe she'll never be able to sleep without seeing that basement, or that club, or hearing the sound of that final swing. Maybe she'll never forgive herself for all of the things she's already become. 

But in that moment, it doesn't matter.

So she leans back, and cries.


End file.
